Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dizzy?

I didn’t realize it until my doctor talked to me that my blood pressure may be causing me to get dizzy. When they took my blood pressure yesterday it was 94/68. That is a lower pressure, not too low, just lower. My doctor asked me if I had been getting dizzy. The answer was yes. I have had a problem with getting dizzy even before I was pregnant. I remember having a problem staying upright in highschool. Although in high school it would get so bad that I would end up sitting on the floor wherever I was and my vision would go totally black, but I wouldn’t pass out. I didn’t realize that my blood pressure was causing it. I get dizzy when I stand up or walk up some steps. I was just thinking that I was really out of shape. I do try to work out on my exercise bike and I feel like I do more physical activity than a lot of people I know. I just thought it wasn’t enough. I have never fainted, but I have gotten so dizzy that my legs couldn’t hold me up.

You know the funny thing is practically everyone in my family has problems with high blood pressure and I am getting dizzy because mine is low.
I am still going to eat right and do all that good stuff, because there are so many people in my family with high blood pressure and I don’t want to be one of them.

My doctor just told me to drink lots of water. I try to drink plenty so I guess I just have to keep drinking my water.

Other than getting a bit dizzy I am doing well today. I probably won’t write until after the new year.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Pregnancy Brain

Lately pregnancy has really been wiping me out. I have been just so tired. I wake up to pee several times a night and during the day I need a nap.

I also have been very teary. I will cry about the littlest thing.

I worry a bit more too. Cullen just installed a new lock on our front door to replace the deadbolt. He put in a two sided key lock. So now you need a key to leave my home. I was just so worried about Gregory walking out of the house without me noticing. Like if he were to wake up at midnight and I would be asleep. He has never done this, but he has no problem unlocking the door and walking out of the building.
I thought about a chain lock, but some nights Cullen works and doesn’t get home till one in the morning. I don’t want him sleeping in the car because I don’t hear the door. Also taking the lock off before I go to bed wouldn’t work because what if Gregory woke up and decided he wanted to go to the playground and I didn’t hear him.
Not that there would be a fire, but if we couldn’t get the darn door open we could always jump off the balcony. We aren’t too high up.
Oh and the other day the UPS man came and Gregory opened the door for him before I was even able to get to the door and find out who it was. That is not good.
I feel so much safer now knowing Gregory is safer.

I also have been a walking disaster. Watch out Angela will spill your drink, drop your food, run into you, and look she has cuts and scratches all over her arms and hands. Please don’t let her use a knife.

I don’t know if that is because I have been tired but I am sure being tired doesn’t help the situation. Oh and as soon as I sit down to blog I feel like I will fall asleep. So, instead I just go to bed and figure I will do it tomorrow. After all I figure taking care of Gregory, fixing food and cleaning should be higher on the list than my computer play time.
So I will be around when I am awake.

Oh but it is all worth it, because in May I will have another little one to hold.

Friday, December 26, 2008

A wonderful Christmas

Christmas was great! Everyone had such a good time. We all ate too much, but the food was good. It was just such a great day.
I don’t feel like going into details about the whole day, but I just feel very happy.
You know that carefree feeling.
I may mention details later, but for tonight this is all I feel like writing about Christmas.

**

I have been feeling the baby move for several weeks now, but this past week was the first week I felt the baby move every day. It gives me a sense of security and makes me happy.

**

Smiles!!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hosting Christmas


122408 Christmas Tree Veggi platter
Originally uploaded by smileahug.

Cullen and I are hosting Christmas this year. My dad, step-mom, and step-sister are coming over. I am really looking forward to it. Cullen helped me plan the meal. We are having Ham, potatoes, yams, green bean casserole, cranberries, macaroni salad, pie, ice cream, chips, and dips. We are also having vegetables. Today I put together my Veggi platter. It is in the shape of a Christmas tree. Or at least I tried to make it look like a Christmas tree. I did it all by myself.
The branches are broccoli. The ornaments are cherry tomatoes. The trunk is stick pretzels. The star is cheddar cheese. I also cut up string cheese and placed that around the tree to look like snow and take up room.
So what do you think?
I was very excited when I came up with the idea. I feel like a dork, but I had fun putting it together.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Happy Dreams


122108 Gregory sleeping
Originally uploaded by smileahug.

This picture was taken this afternoon. Gregory fell asleep on the couch. I guess it was nap time.

Last night Gregory fell asleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed. Several hours later Cullen and I went to bed. Gregory was in the middle of the bed. I was one side of him and Cullen was on the other. Cullen said something and we both started to laugh. Funny enough Gregory started laughing too. He didn’t wake up, but he was laughing. We stopped laughing. Then I decided to laugh a minute later and Gregory laughed again.

I thought that was about the cutest thing ever. My son sleep-laughs.
It is nice to know he is happy even when sleeping.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Are you more stubborn than a three year old?

As Gregory gets older he is acting more and more like me. He wants things the way he wants them and if you do it differently, well then he doesn’t want it at all. I am not that bad but I am a bit particular as to how some things should be done.
This personality trait has gotten me far. I finished high school, got a bachelors degree, and went to massage therapy school and I did these things after losing most of my vision at age 17. If I had not been (stubborn as a rock) persistent I wouldn’t have gotten through that. Every corner I turned I had to basically demand accommodations. Imagine having to practically beg to do school work. I wasn’t one of the crazy people who loved being piled on with work, but if I didn’t do the work how was I going to get that piece a paper at the end saying “she did it”.
I did cry many tears during college, because I had so much to learn. I had only been blind for a year and I was still learning how to do daily living skills. That and the book stuff, but I also had to learn how to overcome the discrimination. I don’t think about it as much now, because it is as it is and most of the time people are just not thinking. Mainly I just laugh it off. Sometimes I straiten them out and other times it gets me down. Everyone has bad days.

I think I am getting a bit off topic.
Ah yes, back to Gregory’s will-power.

I made Gregory dinner. Yes, I do feed him, but he did not want what I fixed. He tried many things to get other things. He wanted hot chocolate, fruit snacks, mac-n-cheese, candy, and anything else that I didn’t fix. He also wanted milk, but he wasn’t going to get that milk unless he was drinking it with dinner. Milk is not a meal. I told him he could have water if he wasn’t going to eat his dinner. He said no.
Seeing that he wasn’t touching his food I covered it with plastic and put it in the fridge. If he didn’t eat it tonight I saw no reason why it couldn’t be his dinner tomorrow.

Gregory continued asking for things, many things.
For each thing he asked for I told him he could have it, if he ate his dinner. I really don’t see any problem with him having a piece of candy or fruit snack as long as it isn’t more than one. I don’t withhold food from him. He also seems to know how much he can eat, because when he is done he is done and it doesn’t matter if it is yummy chocolate he doesn’t overeat. I do this same thing. I guess that is another thing we have in common, although I may have half a bite of that chocolate. I have never had food or weight issues and for now it is working for Gregory so I am going with it.

Then he asked for a candy cane. I guess that candy cane he just had to have, because he decided eating his dinner, even though it wasn’t what he wanted, was worth the effort if he got a candy cane.
I heated it back up. He ate all but a couple of bites and then he got his candy cane. Well he got half of it. I ate the other half. Peppermint is good for the tummy and he didn’t mind sharing.

I can already see that his teenage years are going to be interesting. Well I have ten years before he is 13 So, I have ten years to practice standing my ground. It would have been so much easier to give in. I am flexible, but I am also firm in my decisions.
Hey that may be my dad in me. My dad was an Army lawyer. What he said went, unless you had a good argument as to why you should do otherwise. I was very good at the debate.

Or maybe I was just good at the distraction part, because I have gotten quite off topic in this post.
I think I just better stop typing.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I never want to forget

Gregory’s kisses –
When I tell Gregory my eyes are tired he comes over and gives me one kiss on each eye.
When Gregory sees Cullen kiss me Gregory comes over and gives me a kiss too.
When I am playing with Gregory sometimes he will just stop and come kiss me on the cheek.
Also when I am holding him sometimes he turns and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek.


I love his kisses so much. It is like an “I love you” without any words.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I can't flip pancakes, but I am happy it is Christmas time.

I can’t flip pancakes. I feel like somewhat of a failure. This feeling will go away tomorrow, but tonight I just feel so stupid. Why oh why can’t I do such a simple thing. I never have been able to flip them properly. In a week or so I will forget that I am unable to complete this task correctly and I will try it again and screw up.
You see it is not that I can not make pancakes at all. It is that when I do they are flipped in such a way that they are all smooshed up and folded up in several places. They look awful! Several of them I burn, because I figure if I leave them on the first side a bit longer I may be able to turn them correctly, NO doesn’t work. So out of a batter about half are edible. The edible ones don’t look like pancakes either, but they aren’t burnt and they are fully cooked. I figure as long as those two criteria are met that is all that matters.
Gregory quite enjoyed the ones I made tonight that were edible. I am just frustrated. Oh and I also burnt two of my fingers. Yes, it was because I was trying to fix a messed up pancake and the effort was pointless.
Thank goodness I have a husband who can flip pancakes.
When he is home he does it for me.

And my question is this:
How can I crochet, make dream catchers, underwater basket weave, do wood burning, and other things that take some skill, but I can’t flip a pancake?
(Sigh)

**

I was making homemade noodles yesterday and I took the eggs out of the fridge. Gregory points to the eggs and says:

Gregory – “Mommy eggs”
Mommy – “Yes”
Gregory – “Are there birds in them?”
Mommy – “No not those eggs”
Gregory – “Oh, ok”

I still can’t believe how fast he is growing up and how much he understands at age three.

**

I have been having some anxiety issues lately – working on it. I am sure it is a mix of everything. I am doing pretty good keeping it under control, but it still makes my chest hurt.

**

Yesterday was beautiful. Gregory and I went for a walk and didn’t have to even wear coats.
Today is cold and rainy. I am so glad I took advantage of the beautiful weather yesterday.

**

This is the first Christmas in a long time that I haven’t felt like crying because it was Christmas. When I was 14 my parents got separated then divorced. The separation happened about a month before Christmas. That Christmas seemed so wrong, like it shouldn’t even have been celebrated. I didn’t feel the joy.
This year I feel the joy and maybe it is because Gregory has reminded me of the excitement I use to have. Not just the present thing, but the lights, the decorations, the music, and more. All of his little squeals of delight have been rubbing off on me and now I am feeling it even when he isn’t saying anything. The Christmas songs I would cry during last year make me happy this year. It is such a wonderful thing.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A few things

Gregory helped me make homemade cranberry sauce yesterday. He was so proud of himself for stirring it. When daddy got home he took him strait to the fridge and showed him. I got Gregory and myself a bowl of it and Gregory said “Thank you for making this for me Mommy. I so proud of you.”
Soooo sweet!

**

Last night Cullen and I watched the new batman movie. With some of the description Cullen was giving me I am glad I couldn’t see some of the things.

**

Today my friend Caitlin came over and we made gingerbread ornaments. They smelled so good. I was wishing I made cookies instead. The ornaments look good. I just have to let them harden now. Then all I need to do is put ribbon on them so I can hang them on the tree.
With the ornaments that have been broken by Gregory it is good that we are putting more on the tree.

**

I feel a bit more pregnant than I have been feeling. Probably because my belly is beginning to become a bit more noticeable, not much, but enough so I don’t just feel like I have put on weight by eating too many sweets. I don’t mind the boob weight though. I wish I could keep that.

**

I have finished some of my crocheting projects. I love the feeling I get after finishing something. I just wish I could get that feeling with housecleaning. Unfortunately as soon as I clean something it gets dirty again. I am happy though that I have to clean the toilet, because Gregory is using it. (See there is a positive to toilet cleaning) He keeps doing well with potty training, except for today, because he was excited that Caitlin was here. Gregory hadn’t had any accidents for three days before this.

Oh yeah going back to the feeling of accomplishment. I need to start another project, because I feel good when I am working on something.

**

Oh and I don’t know if I am having a girl or a boy and I won’t know unless I have another ultrasound and I don’t know if I will have another ultrasound. As far as I am concerned I would rather not have another one. Ultrasounds are torture. I worry about if everything will be ok. Then there is the water torture where they make you drink too much and push down on your belly so hard you feel as if you will burst or die. So for me it is mental and physical stress.

Moving on to a positive note…
I am so happy I am having a baby. I am also glad I don’t get to pick if I am having a girl or a boy, because I don’t know what I want. It would be nice for Gregory to have a brother, but it would also be nice for me to have a little girl. I just really want a healthy baby.
Can you believe I am almost half way through my pregnancy?

Monday, December 08, 2008

Potty Training Update

I guess with a child you can never stop talking about their digestive system. A person is either talking about what is going in or going out.

- Gregory now asks to go potty! Instead of needing me to ask him every hour.
- When he says he has to go potty it means right now, well you may have 60 seconds to get him there.
- He still has accidents, but most days lately he stays clean.
- He wears a pull-up at night, because I have determined I don’t want to wash sheets too often. He can make it all the way through the night though.
- At first I hated the whole peeing standing up thing, now I love it. It is so much easier for Mommy. Unfortunately I now have to wash the bathroom floor more often.
- I never thought we would get to this point.
- Good Job Gregory!
- And Good Job to Daddy and me too!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Rescue Gregory from the very scary terrible…

BUGS!!!
Of everything that I think my three year old is scared of I think bugs scare him the most.
Here are a couple examples:

- This summer when we went on a camping trip a fly landed on Gregory’s leg. I had never heard him cry so hard. He was terrified. I had to clean his leg with a baby wipe before he would calm down.

- About a week ago he wakes up in the middle of the night crying. Daddy asked him what was wrong and he said “bees”.
Gregory doesn’t always remember the correct name for the type of bug, so he gave the wrong name. He had a bad dream about bugs.

- Then today Cullen was giving Gregory a bath and a little piece of trash was in the bath. Gregory was freaking out saying “bug a bug” and he wouldn’t sit down.
After the bath was over Cullen was getting Gregory out of the bath and not very nice of Daddy he says “Oh a bug”.
I was in the other room, but I could hear Gregory’s screaming. Cullen also said Gregory was shaking.
Cullen felt bad for doing that.


I guess this kills my dreams of having Gregory take care of the bugs. At least I don’t have to do it most of the time. Cullen is willing.
I wonder if Gregory will be scared of mice and other rodents.
Or maybe he will work it all out and be my hero and save me from the bugs when he gets older.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Our tree and our happy little boy


120108 Christmas tree7
Originally uploaded by smileahug.

On Monday we put up the tree. Gregory was a lot bigger help then I thought he would be. He helped put it together, by finding the branches with the right color ends. He helped put on the lights by walking around the tree with Daddy. I would also have to say he put on over half of all the ornaments. Daddy put on the rest and I untangled everything and put hooks on it all. I would have to say I had the hard job, but I enjoyed it very much.
Cullen put the angel on the top of the tree. Oh and about the angel. Yesterday Gregory asked me.
Gregory: “Can I put it on my head?”
Mommy: “What?”
Gregory: “The angel on the tree.”
Mommy: “You want to put the Angel on your head?”
Gregory: “Yes.”
Mommy: “No Gregory the angel only goes on the top of the tree.”
Gregory: “Ok” this was said in a very disappointed tone.

So far almost every day we find ornaments in Gregory’s bed. He likes to take them off the tree and look at them. Most of the time he puts them back on, but not always. The way I figure it, is that Christmas should be fun and exciting. Decorations are part of the excitement and if you can’t touch it what is the fun in that. Also any ornaments I don’t want him to play with are on the high part of the tree. He could just go get his stool and stand on that though. Cullen has stepped on two ornaments and broken them, because Gregory took them off the tree. Cullen was upset, but I figure oh well. I am not going to make the tree off limits. So Gregory knows to be gentle.
Gregory also loves the tree. Anytime he is awake the lights have to be on. Gregory has also asked me the last few days if we could make another tree. I had to tell him we only get to put up one.
Three year old Christmas excitement is great. It is amazing how much he loves it all.

Oh and we found plastic ornament hooks! So I am very happy. Last year we didn’t put up anything that needed a hook because I didn’t want to kill my feet. This year we could put up everything and I don’t have to worry about stepping on a hook. Now that was a good invention.